I Am Not Your First
by Koganeiro
Summary: How Does Ichigo feel when Toshiro breaks up with him? Basically a song fic, but without the lyrics. To 'I Am Not Your First' by T.A.T.U. Shoenen-ai, Ichigo X Toshiro, Ichigo X Uryu. One shot.


Disclaimer: Toshiro and Ichigo belnog to Tite Kubo, I Am Not Your First is copyright T.A.T.U.

I didn't add the lyrics in, in case there are people out there that would get annoyed by it. So, if you look at the English version of the lyrics (original version is titled Ya Tvoya Ne Pervaja), hopefully you'll understand bit by bit.

This came into my mind, so I thought I'd do it quickly.

--

The ring of a phone. The answer from a person.

"Hello?"

"Hello..."

"Toshiro?"

"That's Captain Hitsugaya to you," the carrot-headed teenager was hurt, it had actually been so long since the young prodigy had said that to him. "Listen... I... I think it's best for us to go separate ways... Our relationship is over," and so the white crowned boy dumped him, just like that.

"Wait, T-Toshiro!"

'_Hey, King, what's with the sudden storm in here? I don't like it,'_

'**So what? I don't **_**care**_** if you don't like it!'**

'_If you could see in here, ya wouldn't like it, either,'_

'**And?!'**

'_It was sunny in here just a moment ago?'_

'**What's your point? Shut the hell up!'**

'_You keep implying the same thing,'_

Ichigo didn't have time to mentally yell another 'shut up!', because he heard Toshiro hang up on his end.

"Wait, no! Toshiro, no!" of course, he knew it was too late. He tried calling back, dozens of times, but no avail.

The strawberry cursed himself, Toshiro, and everything between as he laid himself on his bed. His broken heart pounded against his chest, and how he wished so badly that it would stop. If it stopped thumping, maybe he could clear his mind.

The silence was bliss, like a treasure. While it was silent he could still pretend that Toshiro still loved him. He could be in the one place where the ice prince really, and truly, still did; his mind.

And with a sigh, the substitute turned on the radio. Maybe it would help him stay awake, his fears of seeing his ex-lover in his dreams was enough to stay away from sleep.

Days passed silently. And sometimes, he would go to a train station, as if waiting for someone to arrive. But Kurosaki knew no one could. It's not like a new love could just walk right into his life, like one would appear.

A coin dropped at his feet. And the saddened human picked it up, just because it was there. Because nothing and no one should ever get left behind.

Two familiar shoes came in front of his own, and before he knew it, he was staring face-to-face with none other than Uryu Ishida.

"Uryu..."

"Looking as pitiful as ever, Shinigami," why Ichigo started a friendly conversation instead of a huge argument, he didn't know.

And though one could see it, he threw out a bottle of antidepressant pills in the trash can on their way out.

So, he and someone he used to think was such a horrible person, the Quincy, started dating. And before long, had a relationship going.

Though one night, he couldn't take it anymore. Behind the curtain's of the teens room, he broke. He screamed, and yelled, "This doesn't count! This relationship _DOESN'T COUNT!_" and he felt it was true, it didn't. He felt like he was using his friend, or more of his boyfriend, Uryu. Just to make him feel better.

He had been faithful up until now with the Quincy. Now, he just wasn't so sure he could be.

And it made him feel sad, rotten.

Thinking about Toshiro, he realized that he wasn't the first that Toshiro dumped, nor would he be the last.

And Ishida was being perspective about Ichigo's bad moods, though he didn't actually know what was causing it. All he knew was that he didn't like to see him like this.

"Kurosaki..."

"Hnn?"

"...I love you,"

And Kurosaki figured out the true reason why he was with the Quincy.

"I love you, too," no lies involved.

The next day, he got a call. From none other than Matsumoto.

"Hello?" the blonde very briefly noted he wa sin high spirits.

"Hey, Kurosaki? Mind coming over and visiting? Captain seems really down, and well, maybe you could come see him?" there was a quick pause, and then a whispering voice. "Truth is, he got dumped,"

So, karma really came back and bit Toshiro on the ass, didn't it?

"I refuse," and the strawberry hung up before Matsumoto had a chance to argue.

Though he refused to not meet hitsugaya, he headed to Soul Society anyway— for shinigami business. Apparently, the Head Captain wanted to have a talk with him.

But he purposely stayed away from the tenth division barracks.

And on the way to leaving, Tenth Division's Vice-Captain had somehow gotten the strawberry in her clutches.

"Please, Kurosaki? _Please_ come see captain?!"

"No, Matsumoto, I won't!" and left. It took much screaming into a pillow (although it was common, and somewhat stupid, it seemed to work), until he was finally able to calm himself down again.

Ichigo soon began to feel stupid. He got reports from his familythat told him he had started to talk and his slumber, and what's more, sleepwalk. It was no doubt he was dreaming of Hitsugaya. Isshin could tell, by catching some of the phases he murmured. The times his family told him quickly increased, and did until he felt like he was trapped in a narrow space.

And the strong teenager turned to something pitiful to help him with his pain-- nothing other than sweet chocolate. He became so addicted to the sweet that you could find piles of wrappers in his room at a time.

Often, he would disappear for hours at a time. Only to be found hiding, and crying for a long time. And became frightened much more easily. What was racking his nerves, no one but him knew.

'This encounter doesn't count, this encounter doesn't count,' the chestnut eyed male told himself, looking at Toshiro in the face for the first in what seemed like a long time.

"I am... Not your first, am I?"the orange haired teenager asked, and the white haired captain slowly, and stiffly, shook his head. "Y-you... Are my sudden..." Ichigo mumbled, tears falling from his eyes. "You showed me love. And then you, and then you," the strawberry couldn't finish.

Why was he here?


End file.
